New Year Goals

Happy New Year!

I took a little break in December, as you may have noticed from the telltale lack of content recently. I managed to get the flu and then was so busy with general life things that I didn't have the time or motivation to get back to writing. So I gave myself a little life-break, I didn't apply for jobs, I took a backseat on social media and just allowed myself to enjoy the holidays and spending all that extra time with family and friends. 

Not only was it refreshing to take a step back from the all-consuming bloggersphere, but it actually really helped me to focus in on what I want from 2017. I got to spend the entire Christmas period with Dan and in that time we have really planned our year and have some solid ideas in place for what we want from life this year. 

The new year is always a time when we reflect on our lives and the year that just passed and try to make commitments to do the next year differently or better. I don't really like the term "resolutions" purely because I don't want to have to resolve myself to do something, It's already starting off the year with a list of things I don't really want to do. Instead, I like to call them goals. It's a subtle difference in the language but it always makes me feel better. A goal I can work towards, a resolution I'm stuck with. 

So of course, I want to make a physical list of my New Year goals for not only my own benefit and holding myself accountable but also because it may inspire you to set a couple of goals yourself! 

• Stop buying so many books. I have an obscene amount of books that I've still not read and I was getting into the habit of buying books purely for the sake of buying books, This year I need to make better financial decisions and that includes not making silly purchases. I've written a refined list of 15 books to buy in the year of 2017. If it's not on the list, I'm not going to buy it. 
• Start my career. This probably doesn't even need to be here it's so painfully obvious, but 2017 is the year when I finally find my career path. I know I want to work in social media, marketing or publishing but I'm really looking for a position that gives me the opportunity to gain valuable experience so I can grow a career for myself. I've applied for some really exciting positions already in the past week so I'm feeling very hopeful. 
• Move out. Once I've managed to gain employment I will be able to save and move out of my family home. I love my parents and they are incredibly supportive and patient, but I am dying to have some freedom back since leaving University. Dan and I already have a pretty solid plan in place but it's pretty hush-hush for now so you will have to watch this space! 
• Lose my Uni weight. Like a lot of people, I gained a fair amount of weight at Uni and I have been struggling to lose it ever since. This year I'm really focusing on my diet and exercise and making sure that I eat predominately vegan in the weekdays with the occasional eggs & fish on the weekend. However, this is more than just a diet to lose weight, I have transitioned from a full-on Carnivore to a Pescetarian in 2016 and it took me the best part of 4-5 months to get to a happy and HEALTHY place with my diet. 
• Spend more time on self-care. Something I really improved in 2016, was the amount of time I spent looking after my mental health. I've learnt to balance my work/personal life and when to turn off my phone and enjoy the real world. It's something I really want to carry forward into 2017. 
• Create content that I want to create. I adore this little blog, 2017 will mark 4 years of Bambi's Blogs and I feel like it has changed so much since the early days when I set it up to talk about makeup and skincare in-between leaving college and starting university. Nowadays I'm less focused on beauty and makeup but more interested in books, lifestyle and cooking. I still do the occasional review posts and Lush is always going to be a regular feature, but as I'm entering my 23rd year, I really want my space on the net to reflect what I'm interested in right now and that is predominately lifestyle topics.

That's it! That's my goal list laid out in front of you for the world to see. I also hope to rescue a dog and a couple of cats but it's obviously subject to moving out and tenancy agreements so I'm keeping that one to myself for the most part until things become a little clearer in a couple of months time. However, do not fear, once those plans are made, this blog will become an animal showcase - I'm not even kidding.  

I hope you continue with me on this journey this year and I'm really excited to create some interesting and fun content in 2017! 

November Round-Up

I must have jinxed myself last month when I said that I was on a roll and felt confident enough to read 10 books in the space of a month. Because 1 month on I have read the grand total of 2 books. 

Yes. TWO BOOKS. 

I am so disappointed in myself. But, before you go judging my lack of reading prowess this month let me explain. 

I was reading the same book for 17 days. It killed all my reading motivation like crazy! Then once I had actually finished that book I decided to tackle the largest book on my months TBR "Dark Fire by C.J. Sansom" which I am still reading but really enjoying it so I will definitely be including it in my December Round-Up. 

Now for the mini-reviews:

Rachel Caine - Ink & Bone 06/11

Really enjoyable read. Very unique story, brilliant diversity of characters. The author hasn't whitewashed the story (as is often found in YA fantasy) and she delicately explores a range of ethnic backgrounds and sexuality/gender roles. Leaves you guessing at the end of each chapter and is written beautifully. Very much looking forward to continuing this promising series. 

Marie Rutkoski - The Winner's Crime 23/11

A very slow read. I didn't massively enjoy this book which is a shame because, in theory, it ticks all the boxes. I enjoyed the progression of the plot but I am in no rush to pick up the sequel. 

I don't know why I had such a massive issue with this book but it took the best part of the month to finish it and destroyed all my motivation to read. I think one of the problems was probably due to the fact that the author found it slow to write due to pregnancy and motherhood. Which may explain why it felt like such a slow read for me. 

I didn't find that hook at the end of each chapter that propels reading in this book. I could quite happily finish a chapter and then put it down for a few days without wondering what happens next... which happened quite a lot whilst I was reading. 

This isn't a bad book though and I really wouldn't want to put anyone off of the series as I'm sure many people would love this series. But, sadly, as much as I try to get into this trilogy, I just can't muster up enough energy with it to keep me hooked. 

I will eventually read the final in the series but it probably won't be for awhile.

So not a very exciting round-up this month I'm afraid. I'm hoping for a much better month of reading in December although I'm actually planning on re-reading ACOTAR & ACOMAF over Christmas so there will be two reads that aren't reviewed but I will leave links to previous reviews and as always my Goodreads. 

30 "Reasons Why I'm a Dick" Facts About Me

1.  I love to make self-indulgent listicles talking about myself. 
2.  I just used the word Listicle. 
3. As with pretty much every list I write, there's always a little fan girl in the back of my head wanting it to go viral... cause you know... I'm alllllll about that dollar. #helpmeimpoor. 
4. I genuinely find myself funny. I will always laugh at my own jokes. 
5. I'm writing this purely for my own amusement apologies if you're bored rigid already. 
6.  I don't comment enough on other people's blogs. Like I read them... but I don't comment. I'm a bad person. 
7. I'm one of those people that will tip spare change in restaurants - "here's 25p made up from the coppers, I don't even think you deserve a tip but you're welcome! please don't spit in my food"  
8. I refuse to pay for bottled water unless that's the only drink I'm having, in which case I make a huge deal about the fact I'm drinking bottled water ... I've been known to take the glass bottle home with me. 
9. I get mind-numbingly envious over bloggers that started last week and already have 10,000 followers... *internal sobs into almond dream ice-cream*
10. I'm a dietary requirement nightmare. Pescetarian with dairy intolerance... restaurants are hell. 
11. I genuinely love my cats more than 90% of people. 
12. I speak for my cats. Tigger has a Russian accent. I don't know why.
13. Tigger is also actually a mooncub and is from the moon. He seeks to destroy human kind. 
14. You have no idea how funny I find the above two facts. 
15. I'm at that point where I'm starting to feel smug about being in the same relationship for almost 9 years. 13-year old me knew what she wanted in life. Screw you countless people that told me I was too young to settle down!
16. Even though I haven't found employment yet, I'm still not going to apply to work in my local co-op... I can't do it to myself. I left when I was 17 and I'm not going back! 
17. I own around 200 books and I have 60 or so to read, yet,  I'm still going on a book haul in a few days... YOLO.
18. I still use YOLO.
19. I hate being stereotyped as an Essex girl to the point where I've told people I was from Suffolk.
20. I can't share food. At all. 
21. I will eat cheese knowing that it will make me ill and I will still moan that other people allowed me to eat it. 
22. I own over 100 nail polishes but will consistently use the same 5-6. Ooops. 
23. I hate speaking on the phone. If it's for business or important reasons I'm fine, but if you pass me the phone for a friendly chat to a family member expect that phone to be thrown back at you. 
24. I frequently wonder if my life is actually a dream and I'm going to wake up as a toddler. 
25. I can become obsessed with something really quickly and then just as quickly forget about it. 
26. I will full on ugly cry if I'm hungry and there isn't anything around that I fancy eating. 
27. I have a love/hate relationship with Avocado. Why do you taste so shit on your own but you're so heavenly with chipotle & garlic granules?
28. I spent 3 years moaning about University and now I've left I have spent more time crying over missing it than I ever did when I was actually there. 
29. This is the second year in a row when I've committed myself to NaNoWriMo but haven't actually managed to write anything... sigh.
30. I never actually intended to write 30 facts.
31. This is my last fact and it's not even no.30... how anti-climactic. 

I hope you enjoyed this little random post. I just felt like writing something to make myself laugh. You gotta do, what you gotta do. 

The Road To Recovery Isn't Always Plain Sailing

(TW: Depression + Anxiety) 

As I've addressed multiple times before I've suffered from mental health issues for years but I've also briefly touched on the fact that now I consider myself to be in recovery from them. I have completed a course of CBT and have gradually and slowly weened myself off of anti-depressants. I don't have panic attacks on the daily anymore and I haven't reached that staggering low for a fair few months now. Overall, I feel much better. I stopped taking my contraceptive pill that I've been on for 6 years and that has made a HUGE difference to my mood and general well-being. However, I still have down days and I think this can often be confusing for people around me. 

I can wake up on an ordinary day and feel like I want to stay in bed all day, cry and seclude myself from the world for absolutely no reason at all. This is obviously a concern for my boyfriend and family as they fear that I'm regressing back into a bad mental place but I'm not. I'm just having a bad day and I think one of the most important things about recovery is knowing that it's okay to have a bad day once and awhile. 

Life isn't easy and even people that don't suffer from mental health illnesses will have days like the one I just described. It's totally normal within reason. 

So below I've decided to compile a little list of tips to help you navigate this tricky time and to hopefully help you cope if you're having a bad day. 

• Allow yourself to feel a bit crap. Don't force yourself into feeling like a cheery bundle of fun because quite frankly when you're having a shit day that is the last of your concerns. Give yourself a break, you are doing great so far. 
• If you have loved ones pestering you or showing concern about your well-being, talk to them and let them know that you're okay, you're just having a hard day and you will be able to get through it, you just need a little support and understanding in the meantime.
• If you want to sit in bed all day do it (work and school obligations allowing obviously), if you want to get up and put on a brave face do it. If you want to get home from work/school, have a hot bath and feel grumpy then do it. DO YOU. Do what you need to do to feel better and don't feel as though you need to be doing anything other than that. 
• Plan meals. It's so easy to forget or ignore food if you're feeling awful but this is so damaging and will hurt you. Plan your meals, even if it's cereal, toast and some freezer food. Eating is beyond self-care, it's essential to survival. If you have the motivation to, I recommend going to Pinterest and finding a fun new recipe to try. Sometimes trying new things is all it takes to lift your mood and make you feel a whole lot better about how your day has gone. 
• Organise. I can't stress this point enough. I say it in all my posts but for me organisation is key. Staying organised and on top of my journal is how I have gained back control in my life. I don't often feel down because I know what my week is looking like and I will have planned my days in such a way that I'm not overwhelmed by any one task and I have enough 'me' time. I don't get daily panic attacks because I've made it so that all variable aspects are controlled or at least anticipated. If you're in the process of recovering from a mental health illness such as depression or in particular anxiety, I would really encourage you to pick up a diary or journal or even just a notepad to write lists. By planning out your day's you are taking back control of your life and banishing the anxious thoughts along with it. 

I hope these tips have helped if you are currently recovering from a mental health illness, I've also written some tips on Self Care, How to Relax  and Loneliness recently if you are interested in finding out more about my mental health and how I have managed to overcome a lot of my own issues. 

Just remember that no one gets better overnight and that as with everything in life recovering from a mental health illness is not an easy feat and it isn't always possible. But being kind to yourself and managing your symptoms is something that everyone can do if they have the right encouragement and are able to flourish. If you're currently on the road to recovery, do remember that it isn't always plain sailing and you may encounter some bumps along the way, but you can get over them. Believe in yourself. You are doing great already. 

My A/W Wishlist

A/W always gets me feeling spendy, whether it's because of the change of season or just my mind preparing for Christmas (Yes, I know it's October, sorry not sorry) I always manage to accumulate a list of things that I didn't know I needed until the autumn season set in. 

So today I thought I would share that list for no other reason that I thought it would be a good blog post and I enjoy lists. Yeah, top quality content right here yo. 

1. A Calligraphy Pen - Story time: When I was a wee lass, i.e: 10 or so, I was brought a calligraphy set for my birthday, the booklet inside described how to write in old-fashioned medieval script and I absolutely loved it. However, I was useless. Utterly rubbish, and at that time if I wasn't great at something I tended to give it up pretty darn quick. Flash forward 5-6 years and I started using calligraphy/fountain pens in my art lessons for line-art and fell in love with the scratchy nibs and deep Black India ink. But once school finished I never continued with that technique, always preferring my trusty Faber-Castell PITT artist pens, that offered a more reliable line.  Flash forward a further 6 years (god I'm old) and now "Modern Calligraphy" and hand lettering is all the rage. I realllly want to get back into it so I'm hoping that I will be able to purchase a new pen & ink in the coming months. 

2. Desk Lamp - I'm working at the desk in my room more and more now, but as the evenings are drawing in it's getting harder to do. I've found the perfect lamp at Dunelm Mill though, it's copper and oh so aesthetically appealing. 

3. Autumnal Candles - I mean OBVIOUSLY. I've actually already gone out and brought more candles but I'm still including it on the list because you can NEVER have enough scented goodness in your life. 

4. Succulents/Cacti - I already have a Bamboo Plant that is heavily featured in 90% of my blog photos and I recently acquired another little succulent style plant with little pink flowers (Don't ask me the name because I've totally forgotten it), but I would really love some little Cacti to join them on my desk. Plants really help to keep me feeling fresh and happy when I'm  working and positively impact my mental health so enough is never enough. 

5. Topshop Joni Jeans - Do I even need to explain this? These are for real my favourite jeans ever. Super stretchy, super comfy, but so pricey. I will be saving up for a new pair of these as I just haven't found a pair of jeans that fits so comfortably and stops me looking like a potato. 

6. The Little Book of Hygge - Now no longer on my list as my lovely other half decided to surprise me with this as a little random gift to cheer me up after a particularly stressful week. If you love being cosy and want to know how the danish have earnt their reputation as one of the happiest nations then look no further.

7. Thyme & Mint Candle - This seems exceptionally random but hear me out, my local Fenwicks has some amazing candles. One of which is a "Thyme and Mint" Candle that no lie smells identical to a restaurant in Crete that I've been going to since I was 6. It's a really beautiful Mediterranean smell that holds so many memories for me and I would absolutely love to get my hands on this to save for when Dan & I move out in 2017. 

8. NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream - I've got a major love for these and I would really like to grab some darker, seasonal shades. I've currently got my eyes on Rome, Berlin and Vancouver. 

9. Wall Art - I've been working on getting my room looking more like an adult uses it rather than the 16-year-old that it represented when I moved back into my family home after leaving Uni. One major part of this is taking down the posters full of teenage angst and replacing them with some wall art. I've recently brought some Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy digital prints for my wall that I cannot wait to get printed and framed.  

10. Lush Halloween & Christmas - You guys know I'm a huge Lushie, and I have been stopping myself from buying any of the range for the past month because I will be visiting the Oxford Street store in November. I'm super excited to grab as much of the ranges as I can although I have a feeling that I will be too late for the Halloween collection!

11. Chanel Vitalumiere Aqua - My all-time, hands down favourite foundation. I have also tried the Les Beiges foundation but I just haven't gotten on with it as well. This is obviously a real luxury product at £33 for a bottle but it is so worth the money and leaves my skin looking flawless. 

12. Books - Nice a vague and for a good reason. When I visit London in November I will be visiting Picadilly Waterstones, Foyles and Forbidden Planet. I don't have a set amount of books I want to buy and I don't have a specific list as honestly I don't have the money nor space to store many more books... my shelves are quite literally overflowing. However, I am a realist and I know that I will end up buying books. So that's why this is on my wishlist. Also, you can never have enough books, right? 

13. Washi Tape - I'm getting really into Washi Tape for my bullet journal at the moment and I'm really enjoying using it to brighten up the pages and create some interest. I would love to get some more interesting colours and designs to keep mixing things up and making my journal aesthetically pleasing. 

14. Blog Props - Sometimes I feel like my photos can get a little bit stale over here and recently I've really been working on mixing things up. I'd love to be able to grab a few more blog props and things to create interest in my photos. But that is definitely easier said then done so if you have any recommendations then please leave them in the comments! 

15. Leuchtturm1917 Dotted Notebook - Yes, a new bullet journal! I'm getting through mine pretty quickly as I'm almost half way through it and I know I'm going to need a new one in 2017. I've spotted a metallic special edition one in my local Fenwicks which is REALLLLY tempting, so I may just have to make a cheeky purchase. 

16. Art Supplies - Truthfully, I don't really need any more art supplies. I've always been someone who draws and has collected a ridiculous pile of supplies over the years. However, I've only recently got back into drawing after ignoring it for a good 3-4 years and I feel like all my old art stuff no longer really belongs to me. It belongs to 16-year-old Emily who used to badly draw manga and thought she could earn money from it one day. Not 22-year-old Emily who is interested in realism and watercolours. I'm a totally different person since I last took art seriously and so I feel like I need new supplies that compliment this new mindset and the new me. I don't know if that really makes sense, but I'm sure there will be some of you out there that can understand where I'm coming from. 

What are you lusting over this autumn? 

Anxiety + Education - How To Cope.

Mental illness and Education are two things that often go hand-in-hand. The stress and pressure of the education system are like a fuel to mental health issues, and the stigma attached to the two is something that needs to be seriously looked at because I know I'm not alone in my experiences. 

My anxiety reared it's ugly head for the first time at the end of my first year of college. But I didn't really understand what was going on. I felt trapped, my chest felt like someone had wrapped a belt around it and was slowly tightening and I was petrified that I would bugger everything up and my family would be disappointed in me. This gradually got worse over the years and by my first year of uni I was a total mess. I was having anxiety attacks almost daily on the way to uni and my best friend was seriously concerned. So much so that she repeatedly nagged me to go to the doctors and seek help. So I did. A couple of courses of Citalopram and a round of CBT later and here I am. I graduated University with a 2:1 in English Literature almost a month ago and I'm pretty stable nowadays. 

But here are a few tips that I accumulated throughout my time at education with how to deal with anxiety.

1. Create a watertight plan and stick to it - Having a plan is one of the main things that helped me in my most anxious moments. Some people may find planning out your day and workload to the last minute a tiring task. But for me, it was a comfort blanket. In the morning I would wake up and plan out everything I had to do that day, including meals, snacks and 'me' time. I would then stick to this like it was the law. I found this really helped to manage my fear of not getting enough work done, and it helped me stick to tight deadlines without being stretched. 
2. Try to do any work that you can in advance - This links to number 1, but I found getting ahead of the work calmed me down massively. Even if it's just requesting the reading lists ahead of time and working them down before the term starts or in the reading weeks/holidays. It definitely helps. 
3. Remember that it's all about balance, include some 'you' time - Make sure to look after yourself. It's not all work, work, work. You need to remember to give yourself some down time. Spend times with your friends, go out for a meal, take a bath or practise some mindfulness. Self-care is really important when you're in a high-stress environment. The last thing you want to do is to burn out.
4. Find an outlet for stress - Often times stress builds up and makes the symptoms of anxiety build up and feel worse. Do something that calms you down. Work out, take a walk, cook a meal or have a cheeky glass of wine with your friends. Do whatever you need to, to blow off steam. Don't let the stress build up and hurt you. 
5. If it gets too much seek help - If you are struggling, remember that you don't need to go through this alone. Tell a friend or family member, a lecturer or teacher you trust or go to your local GP. They won't judge you and they can help. I told my lecturers when I was feeling overwhelmed and they gave me advice and reassurance. My friends all knew of my anxiety and could pretty easily judge when I was having a bad day and knew when I needed a pep talk or just an ear to bend; whilst my GP was great and got me in contact with the charity Health in Mind who offered me an online CBT course, with regular phone calls to assess my progress. This really helped me to learn coping mechanisms and didn't push me out of my comfort zone as I was able to take this therapy at home or at uni, without having to leave and stress myself out. 

I hope this has helped if any of you are suffering from Anxiety whilst in Education. It's a real struggle and it makes you feel as though you are completely malfunctioning, especially when you're living away from home at university. Just remember that you are not weird, you are not alone and you can get through this. 

If you ever need someone to chat to about this please feel free to drop me an email or a DM on twitter. I'm always happy to have a natter and offer some advice as someone that's been there and made it out with a 2:1, even though it seemed impossible. 

Feeling Excited To Write!

As soon as October looms one thing is at the forefront of my mind... National Novel Writing Month.

If you've been a regular reader, you may recall that last year I attempted NaNoWriMo and wrote all about it here. It was pretty much a massive fail on my part. I had far too much to do in November and totally overloaded myself, unprepared for the feat that was NaNoWriMo. 

However, this year, I am a free bird. I'm no longer at University and I've yet to find full-time employment so I've pretty much got the month free! Whether I update you guys on my NaNoWriMo journey or not still begs to be seen, the posts didn't attract much attention and I found them a chore to write. But that being said, if it's a successful month of writing then I may feel motivated to let you all know in December. 

Aside from the writing month, I've actually really been enjoying plummetting a lot of my time into this blog. I've really been enjoying writing my posts and I feel like the quality is improving vastly now that I have the time to sit down and write properly! 

I've created a cute lil set up on my desk, added a couple of inspiring postcards from our ole' pal Paperchase and I'm suddenly feeling like one of those professional sassy blog women who owns the world (and that just happens to make a sum total of naff all!). 

I'm also expanding my job searching horizons and decided to search for some freelance work. I genuinely love writing so I'm really excited to see where this takes me and hopefully find some more projects to work on and make the most of my creativity!

Dear Diary #1 - When September Ends + October TBR

Dear Diary, 

"Wake me up, when September ends"

Needless to say, September has been a pretty crazy month for me. 

Graduation on the 13th September was one of the most stressful moments of my life. I would have rather written another dissertation! The lead up to my graduation was filled with such extreme stress and anxiety that I honestly can't remember much of it, other than crying pretty much every day and feeling empty. Graduation ended positively though and after having a total meltdown about it all being over I managed to slowly regain a sense of self throughout the month. 

On the 14th I visited Twickenham for a stadium tour with my Dad, it was such a fun day and honestly was the perfect distraction from my overactive mind! I probably would have sat and moped if it weren't for that day out so I'm thrilled it worked out the way it did. Even if I was totally exhausted by the end of the day! 

After I had recovered I decided to pick myself up, dust myself off and get started. I had spent so many months in such a funk, I knew I needed to sort myself out. I reorganised my bedroom, decluttered, threw out loads of old shit and basically made my room feel like somewhere an adult could work, rather than the teenager's bedroom perfect for sleepovers - and coincidentally exactly the same as it has been for the past 6-7 years. 

Suddenly, I found my motivation had returned. Having a desk where I can write and feel like a sass queen is totally productive.... who'da thought. 

I've been totally into my writing again, and I feel like it's actually getting better. I've always found it difficult to judge how casual is too casual? Or whether my writing sounds more like an essay? It's really easy to get into a comfort zone with writing and when you've been predominately writing essays or review posts, it can get a lil' bit stale!

So, I'm back to writing every day (although you're seeing posts every other day) and I'm totally getting my shit together for once on the blog front. I've changed up my photography in the hopes to make it more cohesive with my Instagram and I'm actually loving it, like really really loving it so I hope that comes across more now! 

Another huge development this month has been actually making some really great blogger pals, who are some of the funniest people I've ever spoken to! After fangirling over the TOG series on twitter, Aisling suggested that we started a group chat to discuss the book with Emma and Amy who are also TOG fans. We started the chat and have spoken every day for almost two weeks (which is totally ridiculous, it seems like yesterday we started the chat!) but I love these girls, they are absolutely hilarious and some of the nicest people I've had the pleasure of speaking to! I also highly recommend you check out their blogs because they are fab. 

So that's been my month! Pretty tiring, exciting and emotional. But I feel like I'm going into the new month totally fresh, clear-headed and inspired. Which is all I can ask for really! 

October TBR

Septembers reading was a little disheartening for me as I totally got overwhelmed by all the emotions of EOS, so I'm hoping that October is a little more productive on the reading front! 

I'm carrying over my unread books from last month's TBR, and will be reading both Frankenstein by Mary Shelley and The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton. 

But aside from those I will also be aiming to read:

The One by Kiera Cass

Mist & Whispers by C.M Lucus 

The Bone Season by Samatha Shannon

I may not manage to read all these in time but my goal is 5 books a month and I really want to get this done.

That's all for now though and normal service will resume on Monday! I hope you enjoyed this diary style post. I wanted to make my blog more personal to me and a bit more positive, so I really hope that came across today! If you made it to the end of this post congratulations and I really hope you're not bored rigid yet. 

I'm going to stop writing now.

Yeah.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Brunette -to- Blonde Balayage - The Process!

A month or so ago I mentioned on twitter that I was ditching the outgrown Ombre and joining the Pinterest-worthy world of Balayage. I thought this was going to be an easy, stress-free process after all - loads of people on Pinterest have brown-blond Balayage and look boss, so why wouldn't I be able to?

Yeah. It's definitely not that simple! 

So I thought I would share my experience from going Ombre to Brown to Balayage and let you know what it actually takes to get to that colour, in case you are wanting something similar yourself.

At the beginning of this year, I decided that I wanted an Ombre. It was the trend and, I really felt like I needed a change up. So at the time with my short bob I decided to get ombre and for a while I loved it. It looked great, I got loads of compliments and I felt really good about it. 

Then it grew out and it started to look like a poorly done dip dye. Thus is the nature of the short hair ombre. Inevitably it's going to grow out and look a little bit... naff. 

You may notice that in the photo of my ombre on longer hair that the blonde is brighter - that's mostly down to violet shampoo but I will chat more about that later! 

So I needed a change up and I decided that Balayage was the style for me. 

I went to my hairdresser and told her what I wanted, she cut off my old ombre and did her magic on the rest of my hair. 4 hours later at 9pm I came out feeling fresh and thinking that my hair was going to look bomb in the morning... but it didn't. 

If I've learnt one thing from this process, it's that my hair hates bleach. 

My hairdresser, bless her, was mortified when I sent her these photos as clearly in the clear light of day my hair was not as it was intended. The bleach had only taken on certain chunks of hair and the whole thing ended up looking rather patchy.  Thankfully, at this stage, it looked okay when curled, so I was still able to go about  my daily business until she could fit me in to correct it. 

So another 4 hours sitting in the chair totalled my time to a stunning 8 hours. 

As you can see from above the second bleaching took much much better. But left me with the bottom being bright blond and the middle looking slightly orange. So I started to use the Bleach London Violet Shampoo and that helped a tonne, but still didn't get rid of that orange completely so I brought the Scott Cornwall Colour Restore in Cool Ash that is specifically designed to reduce the orange tones in bleached hair. 

It worked! As you can see from the right-hand photo the hair is considerably ashier (although the lighting is obviously different - quite annoyingly -) I can confirm that my hair is much less orange now and it wasn't just a trick of the camera that it looks so different. 

  

Here's the final result! It's about as close to perfect as I'm going to get it without another round of bleach! I thought I would add in the nice sweaty photo of me at graduation with the boy, purely because it was shot in daylight outside, so I thought it was the most accurate representation of the colour of my hair. But you can clearly see the orange has gone and the ash prevails! 

So in total this took:

8 hours of chair time.

Countless washes with Bleach London Violet Shampoo.

30 minutes of Toning with Scott Cornwall Colour Restore in Cool Ash

and close to £200!

I wanted to make this post though to let anyone know, who is planning on having a brunette -to- blonde balayage just how much work is involved! As I certainly wasn't aware of it! But also to let you know that it is achievable if you have naturally dark hair. I was told multiple times by a different hairdresser that my hair wouldn't get to a light blonde without it being badly damaged but the hairdresser that did this for me used Olaplex and my hair is beautifully soft and just require a hydrating conditioner to keep it in good condition! It's not frizzy and has no visible signs of damage! 

Have you got any hairdressing stories to tell? How have your bleaching experiences faired in comparison to mine? I would be really interested to find out if other people have had this sort of issue when bleaching naturally brown hair! 

Letting Go Of The Negativity

In my last post, I said that I wanted to start sharing more of my personal life on my blog. It's really easy to get into a rut with blogging and I feel like I've very much been in one for the past few months. You fall into the lull of posting reviews and lists and sort of forget to connect with your readers. 

So this is me, opening up, not being a massive downer and just filling you in on my life right now. 

I've documented my struggle with job hunting quite a few times before so I'm not going to bore you with those details again but in case you're interested here are the links:

7 Life Questions I'm Bored of Answering

So You Want A Graduate Job?

How To Survive After University

This is a long one so you may want to get a cup of tea or something...

Ever since leaving Uni in May I've been in a weird head space, I had expected to come back home and for it to feel like a summer holiday again, but it didn't. Suddenly a mound of pressure was on my shoulders to get a job, go to graduation and wow everyone with said new job, and be moved out by November. I quickly learnt that life doesn't always work out so smoothly. 

And so I am sat here today on a Wednesday in September, having graduated just over a week ago, still jobless and still no closer to moving out. But guess what, I'm okay with it.

Though for a long time, I wasn't. A few weeks before my graduation I was a state.

I had been rejected from a job that was perfect for me, I was getting nowhere with any of the other applications I had sent out and I was in a very lonely dark place. However graduation came and, although my anxiety had reared its ugly head, it was a good day. 

"As I threw my mortar board in the air, it was as though I was letting go of all the negativity that had plagued me in the past few months."

Now post-graduation I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I've learnt that a lot of my fellow graduates are in very similar if not identical situations and, that it's OKAY to not be employed right now. 

In the last week, I've really been focusing on pushing out the negativity in my life and focusing on being positive; looking at things with a glass half full mindset. 

I'm teaching myself how to not stress about being unemployed, how to make the most of my situation and how to become a better person for it. 

I decided that I needed to let go of the negativity and start changing my outlook. 

So I've re-arranged my desk, got rid of a load of old clutter and made my room feel like an adults room, as it was just a constant reminder of my years at school & college the way it was. 

I've given myself a new focus for the time being, I want to use as much of my time on my blog and creating content. I would love to one day be able to actually call my little space on the net "my job" but it's definitely nowhere near that point yet! 

So whilst I'm still applying for jobs, I'm going to start treating my blog as one. Not only will it help to keep my writing in an okay state, but it will also give me some purpose to my life, that I was seriously lacking! 

I'm at a point where essentially I have nothing to lose. I have no job anyway and 0 income outside of my very supportive parents, so I have everything to gain by taking a chance and putting myself out there. After all, I actually really really love it. 

I love having my own little space on the internet where I can freely talk about whatever I want, I have no deadlines, no targets and no one holding a leash on what content I produce. I can just focus on what I want to do and what makes me happy and that is a very freeing feeling. 

Of course, I will still be looking for jobs on the side (I'm not crazy enough to think that I can actually survive on my blog alone... I'm not even making any money on AdSense!) but I'm no longer in the mindset that I have to get a job immediately to be a good person, or to live up to everyone's expectations. I can just be me. 

So really this was a super rambling post but I hope it made some sort of sense? 

I feel like this is something that A LOT of graduates are going through right now, the job market is pretty pants and it's tough out there, so I hope that by opening up about my experiences it helps at least one other person who's going through a similar experience. 

Negativity is a bitch and it can really muck with your head, letting go of it and embracing the positives has been the best thing I've done all year and I can't wait to see where it takes me.

* The first photo is my best friend Roisin and I. She had been one of my rocks throughout University and I don't think I would have gotten this far without her. You can find her on twitter @RoshhNosh, she's amazing.*

My Reading Routine

Ta dahh, yes I have managed to get back into the swing of blogging again! I hadn't totally forgotten my little blog but last week was... hectic! So now time for a 'tiny' life catch up...

Monday: Nothing

Tuesday: GRADUATION! I graduated at Canterbury Cathedral with a 2:1 in English Literature! 

Wednesday: Twickenham Stadium Tour with Dad

Thursday-Sunday: RECOVERING. 

Like no joke that was my week! I was so totally exhausted mentally and physically from Tuesday & Wednesday and it took the rest of the week to just get back to feeling human again. 

But I'm back and have a little post about my (no bullshit) reading routine.

STEP 1: Decide to read. Light the candle and make a cup of tea - This one is a Strawberry & Raspberry tea by M&S and it's delish. 

STEP 2: Get distracted by Twitter or Bullet Journalling for at least an hour if not two. 

STEP 3: Find that comfy reading spot. Whether it's curled up on the bed or cross-legged on a desk chair, finding a comfy spot to read is vital. However, be aware that you will be uncomfortable again in roughly 1.5 chapters. Reading life yo. 

STEP 4: The integral step, choose a book. Now whether you're like me and have a TBR for the month (Check out my September TBR here) or you just have a looming pile of unread books to get through, without a book yo can't read. I usually can't choose what book to read as I have over 60 unread on my shelves + more on the kindle, so I write all my unread books down onto individual pieces of paper, fold them up and choose at random. This helps to avoid that feeling like I'm choosing between my children. 

STEP 5: To sit and read. Quite often I will do everything else on this list and never actually get round to reading. Reading Slumps are the bain of my life. I normally can read anywhere between 50-300 pages in one sitting it just really depends on the time of day, what I've got going on and my tiredness level! I try to read at least a chapter before I go to sleep but if I'm really into a book I can quite easily read 50-100 pages before bed. 

STEP 6: Rest! You've drunk all the tea, blown out the candle and got to the end of the chapter! It's really important at this point, to rest or do something other than read. I find if I take regular small breaks from reading I'm less likely to fall into a reading slump or get a book hangover! That being said I know when I finish Empire of Storms I'm going to be suffering! 

Do you have a reading routine? I thought it would be fun to share what I do on a daily basis, I want to start injecting more of my actual life into this blog so I really hope you enjoyed this little taste!