The Road To Recovery Isn't Always Plain Sailing

(TW: Depression + Anxiety) 

As I've addressed multiple times before I've suffered from mental health issues for years but I've also briefly touched on the fact that now I consider myself to be in recovery from them. I have completed a course of CBT and have gradually and slowly weened myself off of anti-depressants. I don't have panic attacks on the daily anymore and I haven't reached that staggering low for a fair few months now. Overall, I feel much better. I stopped taking my contraceptive pill that I've been on for 6 years and that has made a HUGE difference to my mood and general well-being. However, I still have down days and I think this can often be confusing for people around me. 

I can wake up on an ordinary day and feel like I want to stay in bed all day, cry and seclude myself from the world for absolutely no reason at all. This is obviously a concern for my boyfriend and family as they fear that I'm regressing back into a bad mental place but I'm not. I'm just having a bad day and I think one of the most important things about recovery is knowing that it's okay to have a bad day once and awhile. 

Life isn't easy and even people that don't suffer from mental health illnesses will have days like the one I just described. It's totally normal within reason. 

So below I've decided to compile a little list of tips to help you navigate this tricky time and to hopefully help you cope if you're having a bad day. 

• Allow yourself to feel a bit crap. Don't force yourself into feeling like a cheery bundle of fun because quite frankly when you're having a shit day that is the last of your concerns. Give yourself a break, you are doing great so far. 
• If you have loved ones pestering you or showing concern about your well-being, talk to them and let them know that you're okay, you're just having a hard day and you will be able to get through it, you just need a little support and understanding in the meantime.
• If you want to sit in bed all day do it (work and school obligations allowing obviously), if you want to get up and put on a brave face do it. If you want to get home from work/school, have a hot bath and feel grumpy then do it. DO YOU. Do what you need to do to feel better and don't feel as though you need to be doing anything other than that. 
• Plan meals. It's so easy to forget or ignore food if you're feeling awful but this is so damaging and will hurt you. Plan your meals, even if it's cereal, toast and some freezer food. Eating is beyond self-care, it's essential to survival. If you have the motivation to, I recommend going to Pinterest and finding a fun new recipe to try. Sometimes trying new things is all it takes to lift your mood and make you feel a whole lot better about how your day has gone. 
• Organise. I can't stress this point enough. I say it in all my posts but for me organisation is key. Staying organised and on top of my journal is how I have gained back control in my life. I don't often feel down because I know what my week is looking like and I will have planned my days in such a way that I'm not overwhelmed by any one task and I have enough 'me' time. I don't get daily panic attacks because I've made it so that all variable aspects are controlled or at least anticipated. If you're in the process of recovering from a mental health illness such as depression or in particular anxiety, I would really encourage you to pick up a diary or journal or even just a notepad to write lists. By planning out your day's you are taking back control of your life and banishing the anxious thoughts along with it. 

I hope these tips have helped if you are currently recovering from a mental health illness, I've also written some tips on Self Care, How to Relax  and Loneliness recently if you are interested in finding out more about my mental health and how I have managed to overcome a lot of my own issues. 

Just remember that no one gets better overnight and that as with everything in life recovering from a mental health illness is not an easy feat and it isn't always possible. But being kind to yourself and managing your symptoms is something that everyone can do if they have the right encouragement and are able to flourish. If you're currently on the road to recovery, do remember that it isn't always plain sailing and you may encounter some bumps along the way, but you can get over them. Believe in yourself. You are doing great already. 

Dear Diary #1 - When September Ends + October TBR

Dear Diary, 

"Wake me up, when September ends"

Needless to say, September has been a pretty crazy month for me. 

Graduation on the 13th September was one of the most stressful moments of my life. I would have rather written another dissertation! The lead up to my graduation was filled with such extreme stress and anxiety that I honestly can't remember much of it, other than crying pretty much every day and feeling empty. Graduation ended positively though and after having a total meltdown about it all being over I managed to slowly regain a sense of self throughout the month. 

On the 14th I visited Twickenham for a stadium tour with my Dad, it was such a fun day and honestly was the perfect distraction from my overactive mind! I probably would have sat and moped if it weren't for that day out so I'm thrilled it worked out the way it did. Even if I was totally exhausted by the end of the day! 

After I had recovered I decided to pick myself up, dust myself off and get started. I had spent so many months in such a funk, I knew I needed to sort myself out. I reorganised my bedroom, decluttered, threw out loads of old shit and basically made my room feel like somewhere an adult could work, rather than the teenager's bedroom perfect for sleepovers - and coincidentally exactly the same as it has been for the past 6-7 years. 

Suddenly, I found my motivation had returned. Having a desk where I can write and feel like a sass queen is totally productive.... who'da thought. 

I've been totally into my writing again, and I feel like it's actually getting better. I've always found it difficult to judge how casual is too casual? Or whether my writing sounds more like an essay? It's really easy to get into a comfort zone with writing and when you've been predominately writing essays or review posts, it can get a lil' bit stale!

So, I'm back to writing every day (although you're seeing posts every other day) and I'm totally getting my shit together for once on the blog front. I've changed up my photography in the hopes to make it more cohesive with my Instagram and I'm actually loving it, like really really loving it so I hope that comes across more now! 

Another huge development this month has been actually making some really great blogger pals, who are some of the funniest people I've ever spoken to! After fangirling over the TOG series on twitter, Aisling suggested that we started a group chat to discuss the book with Emma and Amy who are also TOG fans. We started the chat and have spoken every day for almost two weeks (which is totally ridiculous, it seems like yesterday we started the chat!) but I love these girls, they are absolutely hilarious and some of the nicest people I've had the pleasure of speaking to! I also highly recommend you check out their blogs because they are fab. 

So that's been my month! Pretty tiring, exciting and emotional. But I feel like I'm going into the new month totally fresh, clear-headed and inspired. Which is all I can ask for really! 

October TBR

Septembers reading was a little disheartening for me as I totally got overwhelmed by all the emotions of EOS, so I'm hoping that October is a little more productive on the reading front! 

I'm carrying over my unread books from last month's TBR, and will be reading both Frankenstein by Mary Shelley and The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton. 

But aside from those I will also be aiming to read:

The One by Kiera Cass

Mist & Whispers by C.M Lucus 

The Bone Season by Samatha Shannon

I may not manage to read all these in time but my goal is 5 books a month and I really want to get this done.

That's all for now though and normal service will resume on Monday! I hope you enjoyed this diary style post. I wanted to make my blog more personal to me and a bit more positive, so I really hope that came across today! If you made it to the end of this post congratulations and I really hope you're not bored rigid yet. 

I'm going to stop writing now.

Yeah.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee.